Top 5 Quarter-life Crisis sites

So you thought getting over your quarter-life crisis would be like ABC, easy as 123, as simple as do re mi?

Well unfortunately, you were wrong (again). Everybody’s different, which is why the good folks at Clueless have compiled the internet’s top 5 QLC sites (it’s actually only #2 to #6 – you already found #1), each focusing on different problems, tastes, and personalities.  Take a wander and see which one suits you best…

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Courtesy of Kirk Akahoshi

1 – Kirk Akahoshi, life coach, quarter-life crisis expert

Kirk Akahoshi is the Mr Miyagi of life coaches. His approach to the QLC is very much ‘wax on, wax off’ – that is, getting in touch with your spiritual side before kicking your QLC in the crotch. His blog is all about pinpointing what’s wrong in your life, then making peace with it. It also features a ton of personal challenges which will help shape the way you handle things like finances and relationships – for example making a promise to yourself, like working out an extra couple of days a week, and then donating money to charity every time you break the rules. Bow to your Sensei.

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Courtesy of Rebecca Fraser-Thill

2 – Working Self, creating meaningful work with Rebecca Fraser-Thill

Working Self is for QLCers worried about their career(less) life. Rebecca Fraser-Thill describes herself as a “free spirit who regularly turns down ‘prime’ opportunities in pursuit of work that fits my values, goals, and purpose”. As you can see, this blog is less about how to land fat dollar, and more about how to get happiness and meaning out of your work – as well as building your confidence along the way. Rebecca also likes data, as you’ll find in her blog, and is constantly drawing up stats and graphs providing tips like ‘why people who have mentors tend to get salary increases and promotions faster than workers who don’t have mentors’.

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3 – My Name is Elizabeth, stories about identity, family, and culture

Deeply personal and spanning everything from growing up to religion, My Name is Elizabeth takes a serious look at some of our most private worries and inhibitions. Combining her cultural experiences with a fair bit of academic study (a PhD in clinical psychology. And a master’s in psychology. Oh, and another master’s in theology.) Elizabeth provides an incisive look into what makes you tick. You’ll be challenged by some of her writing, but probably reassured too. Definitely worth a look for those millenials feeling a bit emo.

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Courtesy of Molly Mahar

4 – Stratejoy, You Want to Love Your Life

One for the ladies. Molly Mahar’s Stratejoy is a great place to figure out the coaching, courses, and community you need to get involved with to sidestep your QLC. With hundreds of contributions from women all over the world Stratejoy looks at QLC problems unique to women, whether it’s fighting your corner in a male-dominated workplace or even preparing to have a child. In the community section feel free to post your own questions – you’ll receive a dozen answers from women who’ve been there and done that.

5 – Elite Daily, The Voice of Generation-Y

Ah, the hipsters choice. Teeming with buzzfeed-style articles for quick relief from Microsoft Excel, Elite Daily is a playground for QLCers. Alongside the life, money, and dating pages you’d expect from a QLC site, it also has plenty on sports, music, and humour, among others. Particularly interesting are the travel posts, so those of you looking to “get away from it all” can follow a path well-trodden by QLCers past and present.  It might not be an in-depth look into “where-you-went-wrong-and how-to-set-it-right”, but it provides light relief and laughs, and who can argue with that?

Guest Post: Quitting that first job. By Zena James from Eyes Wide Opened

It’s no secret that 20-somethings often feel guilty about leaving their first job to pursue something they really want to do. After all, it was so hard to get a job in the first place.

 Zena James from social enterprise Eyes Wide Opened (the organisation helps people get on track at any stage of their lives) has written QLClueless a guest post about quitting that first job.

The first job

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Zena James, freelancer at Eyes Wide Opened. Photography courtesy of Eyes Wide Opened http://www.ewopened.com

I stayed in my first grown-up job for four years. Invaluable experience in a top PR firm, it was the best start anyone could have. But as the politics and additional responsibilities (not always fun ones) of climbing the ladder increased, I wondered whether I was missing something by staying in the unforgiving private sector, managing the reputations of profit-making corporates. I watched quietly and curiously while a colleague who’d joined as a graduate 2 years after me left us after only 2 years in the job to go and work for a charity that helped the homeless. She was radiating excitement. I was fascinated and strangely disconcerted that she chose to jump ship so soon after landing such a great job.

The need for meaning

We both had at our fingertips some of the world’s best PR practitioners and strategists, interesting clients, a clear progression path, a sense of belonging, a varied and sometimes hilarious work-related social life, and a fairly decent salary for the hard work we were expected to put in. But somehow, although it took me two years longer than her to feel it, there was something missing. And that something was meaning, a cause, and in both our cases, campaigning for something that wasn’t about profit.

And there we have it. Meaning.

 

As Roman Krznaric says in his thought-provoking short book, How To Find Fulfilling Work (published byThe School of Life), money and status are not enough for most people. At this very moment you may be huffing and puffing up your own career ladder or maybe you’re coasting, but you daren’t quit your job security for fear of overwhelming regret, not to mention fear of being labelled foolish, even careless, by parents and peers.

But what’s the point of staying if it’s giving you very little back except money, a tiring commute, a sometimes slippery career ladder and a nagging feeling that there really must be more to life?

Like using our talents and passions, or, as I was harbouring an increasing desire to do, be making a meaningful difference in my long day at work.

The quarter-life trap

‘Quarter-life’ is a curious stage to be at. Your bold decision to quit the security of that first job may well alter the course of your entire career. But that’s OK, isn’t it?  It may seem like a reckless and irresponsible move, but it doesn’t need to be that way. Asking yourself the right questions and consulting others around you about your true values and beliefs and what you really stand for counts for a lot right now. You may feel trapped and uninspired and feel like leaping but with no idea where to leap.  Again, that’s OK. Small steps towards change are better than no steps.  Put the time and energy in and it won’t be a wasted effort.

After all, fear of quitting, or being seen to quit, is really just fear of the unknown.

Who wouldn’t be anxious about a big change? It’s a risk. Psychology studies show that we’re much more sensitive to negative than positive stimuli. It’s primal, and Krznaric quotes evolutionary biologist theories:  that hazy object in the distance could be a fruit-laden bush, but it might be a lion, so our instinct is to steer well clear. So when it comes to career change, we are psychologically predisposed to magnify everything that could go wrong.

 

How to take the leap

But that doesn’t help those of you with little or no job satisfaction and a growing desire to do yourself a favour and move on, does it? So, now that you’ve accepted that YOU are the author of your life, it’s time to face the facts. You, like everyone, have strengths and qualities unique to you. No-one else can tell your story. So what are they? What gets you out of bed – is it really just money and status? What sets you apart and how are you going to translate and communicate that?

If you’ve got a sideways/upwards move in sight, ask yourself why you’re going for that role.  List all the reasons and prioritise them.  What rises to the top?  Are you happy with that? Assume for a moment that you’ll have several careers.  Right now, one might be based around a skill or knowledge area.  What about two others?  Where might they lie?  What underpins them – a passion?  A value?

And what did I do?

Why it was worth jumping ship

I’m proof that following your instinct towards more meaningful work and asking those hard-to-answer questions makes you happier with your own life story.

You should enjoy telling your story and enjoy knowing that you’ve been true to yourself. If I hadn’t jumped ship from that first job even though it was perfectly secure, I might never have gained the experience and variety you need to make the most of freelance life. So go on, do some serious research, consult everyone around you, reflect on what makes you tick and if after all that, it still feels slightly more exciting than terrifying, then enjoy the next life stage!  No -one else will do it for you…

Thanks to Zena for giving us some much needed inspiration!

Zena now freelances happily for organisations whose goals she really cares about, including Eyes Wide Opened, a social enterprise that runs career-clarifying coaching courses for people who crave more meaningful work. www.ewopened.com.

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Guest Post: Quarter-Life Crisis – Natalia Lukaszewicz

Here Natalia shares the story of how she overcame her quarter-life crisis by planting veg, dancing to Elvis and embracing uncertainty.

Natalia Lukaszewicz is a resident of New Zealand where she runs a food blog called www.applesandanarchy.wordpress.com and interns for www.goodfoodgame.co.nz

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Natalia Lukaszewicz

“I had come home because of an aching sadness and debilitating anxiety”

On a sunny weekend in September 2012, I drove to a plant shop and walked out armed with two bags of soil, plant pots and nine assorted vegetable seedlings. My parents had left me alone that weekend, albeit reluctantly. And understandably so, I had come home because of an aching sadness and debilitating anxiety that had set in some 4 months prior, and most days, I dreaded being alone with my thoughts. My buying those vegetables marked the first day of my recovery from what I might jokingly refer to now as a quarter-life crisis, but at the time felt like a very real – and scary – decent into overwhelming uncertainty.

In 2012 I was 24, and I had returned from travelling in order to begin my postgraduate studies in Clinical Psychology. I moved to a new city, not knowing a soul, but I had romanticised the place and my future there. In my head there would be parties, my studies would inspire me, and I would be lost in a whirlwind of new people and experiences. But instead I wound up alone, disenchanted with my degree, and the city I had thought would bring me All The Things broke my heart.

“What do I do now, what do I do now, what do I do now?”

I remember a moment in which I sat staring out the window. My hair clung to my cheeks, which were sticky from tears. My hands gripped a cold cup of tea and outside a ferocious wind howled. Were it a movie, I imagine the scene would be somewhat romantic and poignant – black and white, perhaps – but in reality, I felt pathetic, sad and horribly lonely. What do I do now, what do I do now, what do I do now?

This singular question was the cause of so much of my anguish: why did I feel so uncertain when I had been promised a linear path to success (and so, I assumed, happiness) so long as I ticked the boxes (go to uni. Get A’s. Make contacts. Move forward). What do I do now? I don’t know, became a chant that mocked my days: it taunted me when I was made to answer, “what are you up to these days?” and when I was confronted with everyone else’s happy, filtered faces on Facebook. The world started to seem to me a dark and broken place, and where once I had dreamed of ways of trying to fix it, I now felt broken myself.

“Not knowing has the potential to be as great as specificity”

The day I planted my first courgette was the day I gave myself the license to be ok with not knowing what was meant to happen. It seems a simple solution, but for someone who had announced how she planned to retire at the age of 15, this was a revolutionary and liberating move. I decided that I might know diddly about what or how my week would progress (let alone the coming year); but I knew that the tomatoes needed to be planted at a depth of 15cm, and that the coriander liked the shade. And maybe that was all I needed to know in that moment.

Summer rolled in and the sun drenched my garden- it blossomed and grew and I relished the fat strawberries that came as a result. And I grew too: with certainty that not knowing has the potential to be as great as specificity, and with confidence in my ability to navigate doubt. The people I have met, stories and opportunities that have accumulated since are testimony to this growth. There are days that all I know is that I have friends, family and a cat who loves me, and that dancing to Elvis songs makes me happy. And I have to – and I do! – believe that that is enough.

If you’ll allow me to take up the position for a moment as someone who can share advice – or at least an opinion – on managing impending quarter-life Crises, then I have this to say: please don’t be afraid of uncertainty, and embrace change if it comes, whether that be changing your dreams, goals or ideas about who you are as a person. It really, truly, will be ok in the end.

 

 

Has this been helpful? Let us know in the comments or tweet us @QLClueless and visit our tumblr.

 

 

Live Blog: The Graduate

Mike Nichols’ classic film ‘The Graduate’ was on ITV3 yesterday, and after our last post mentioning it, we thought you guys would be watching it. The film is regarded as one of the first on screen depictions of QLCs and shows the main character Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) struggling to understand what he should do with himself after graduating university.

So rather than considering doing a post-graduate degree or learning a new skill, Ben decides the best thing to do in a time of austerity and a struggling job market is to sleep with Mrs. Robinson. Queue drama.

“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.”

 

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Here is what some of our friends on Twitter were saying about The Graduate. As you can see, it was pretty popular and one of the lovely tweeters points out that Mrs. Robinson is quite the foxy lady.

 

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So as you can see, we weren’t the only ones slightly confused by how The Graduate can help guide you through your QLC as it seems that the only life tips we can take away is that sleeping with older women doesn’t make you happier or any more employable. However, we thoroughly enjoyed watching it and we’d recommend you do the same.

AUDIO: What people wish they’d known before they turned 25

Twenty five is a BIG one. You’re half way through your twenties and elderly relatives might start asking you who you’re going to marry. Or why you’re still working at the pub and haven’t finished your MA yet. Or why you’re still living in your parents’ basement.

But don’t listen to your relatives and family friends, listen to these savvy 25+ folks who told us what they wish they’d known before they got half way to 30. ENJOY!

 

Once you’ve listened to the Soundcloud, let us know what advice you’d give to the under-25s. Tweet us your suggestions at @QLClueless or post them here below!

Note: The song featured in the audio, ‘I’m only twenty’ by Sonny Shotz, can be found here should you want to listen right the way through. (SPOILER: He’s still only twenty at the end)

Can dating apps help cure a Quarter-Life Crisis?

In our latest podcast we discuss whether dating apps, such as Tinder, can help make QLCs that little bit easier.

Image courtesy of trendblog.net

Image courtesy of trendblog.net

In an attempt to wade through the world of Plenty of Fish, Tinder and OkCupid! we speak to Eve Simmons of Apphrodite – a new and exciting blog exploring the realms of dating apps. In the podcast we discuss whether dating apps really are helping people, why they’re using them and what you can do to avoid being the perpetually single one amongst your friends. Have a listen and we hope you enjoy our pearls of wisdom.

Quarter-Life in the media: what’s being said about it in the news?

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Spring is (sort of) here and we want to be outside which means it’s even harder to keep up with the news since we wrote last month’s ‘top 3 QLC articles’. There’s just SO MUCH of it everywhere. And lately we’ve been spotting a lot of intriguing media coverage of the quarter life crisis in all its different forms.

But you don’t have to go trawling through all the weekend supplements, blogs and magazines because we’re gathering the best stuff right here at QLClueless. There’ll be new material each month so come and see what we’ve found in the world of QLC.

Top 3 things you should read this month (Spring QLC Special)

1) This account of being 25 and ‘stuck’ by  ‘black feminist writer and PHD candidate’ J.N Salters  is our favourite QLC piece of the week. This  Huffington Post article is a brilliant insight into exactly how a QLC-addled mind works:

 

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What we learnt: That we should probably check out these books that Salters talks about.

Here’s the YouTube video of Christensen doing a TED talk. You’ll have so many attainable goals after this video that you’ll need a….(insert football pun here)

Actually, we’ve read the third one (Damian Barr) and after reading our crazy-good QLClueless interview with the author himself, you probably have too….

 

2) It’s not new (2013 in fact) but we think it’s time to pleasure our ears again with BBC Radio 4’s brilliant analysis of the quarter-life crisis. What makes it worth a listen is the witty and non-nonsence author Katharine Whitehorn talking all things QLC  with people like us. There’s really nothing to not like, especially the bit where they discuss how Vagenda editors Holly Baxter and Rhiannon Cosslett struggled to pay rent … holls

 

What we learnt: That it is possible to be successful and get paid to do what you love, even if it takes longer than it might have taken our parents. QLCs are scary things, but they can lead to extremely good things.

3)This Guardian article about post-uni unemployment and cluelessness isn’t a cheerful read but it’s a searingly honest account of how tricky things can be in the boomerang generation when it comes to finding a job. Not an internship but a real job…where you can actually go to the office party and make a fool of yourself like everyone else.

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What we learnt: That even when certain slightly older people say we’re just moaning, we’re not. It’s actually true that unpaid internships are elitist and that we’ve got less stability than previous generations. It’s not whining, it’s just a fact. But that doesn’t mean there’s no point in being optimistic and doing everything you can do get where you want to. ‘Cos after all, someone has to get the job. It’s worth checking out this ‘open letter to early graduates’ on the These Millennials blog for some wise words on this subject.